


I touched the sky

by xKobra_Kid



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, FTM Brendon, Fluff, High School, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:57:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xKobra_Kid/pseuds/xKobra_Kid
Summary: Waking up every morning was a continue problem, he didn’t want to continue his life in those conditions. He hated himself and there was no point in his existence, he was a waste of oxygen and bones, he wanted desperately to die and he didn’t want to wake up anymore. He hated what he had become in those past years and he hated the fact that his mom hadn’t removed his photos as a baby. That person didn’t exist anymore and he didn’t want to see that in his house. He wanted to forget.
     Brendon for once felt safe during his sleep and he didn’t wake up sobbing because of a nightmare. He was safe there but a voice in his head reminded him that he was lying, lying about his whole life to a stranger. He couldn’t say to Dallon that he was born as a female, he couldn’t tell him the truth and he couldn’t stop his thoughts now. He couldn’t and he wanted to scream so badly.





	1. Uno

Being Brendon Urie isn’t easy, being a boy isn’t easy when you’re him. He was tired of everything, he was tired of being bullied by everyone. He wasn’t happy in his own body and he hated what he used to see in the mirror, he wanted to rip off his own skin every morning and he wanted to create his own skin, his own fucking look. He hated his forehead, he hated his eyes and his nose; his lips were too plumped and his chin wasn’t masculine enough. His jaw wasn’t defined, his neck was too pale and his chest wasn’t flat like the others. His belly was pale and his hips weren’t a perfect straight line, they still had curves and his thighs weren’t skinny and toned. 

Waking up every morning was a continue problem, he didn’t want to continue his life in those conditions. He hated himself and there was no point in his existence, he was a waste of oxygen and bones, he wanted desperately to die and he didn’t want to wake up anymore. He hated what he had become in those past years and he hated the fact that his mom hadn’t removed his photos as a baby. That person didn’t exist anymore and he didn’t want to see that in his house. He wanted to forget. 

Every days were a continue suffer. His body was full of bruises and scars, his bottom lip was always broken and his ribs hand been injured so many times that he had lost count. He hated to go to school because of that. He hated those bullies and he hated the fact that he was alone in that damn place. He had decided to change school and to start as a new person but that hadn’t been possible, since the first day some boys started to tease him because he was different, he hadn’t been able to go through the first day without being beaten up. 

The yeas was almost over now but those guys were still after him and he didn’t know why, well he knew the reason but he didn’t understand what bothered them. Once a girl had tried to help him but it had only made things worse. Nothing had changed, he was still crying in the toilets and he was still regretting his life. He couldn’t even hate Jason, Mark, Larry and Joy, it was his fault if they were bullying him.

He was looking at himself in the mirror and he pinched his belly, moaning because of the pain and feeling his eyes became watery. He heard his mom call his name and it made him smile because she used the right one; that little thing was his only cause of happiness. Brendon went out of his room and he grabbed his car keys, he said goodbye to his mom and he kissed her cheek. He jumped in his car and he let out a shaky breath, he wasn’t ready to go to school, he wasn’t ready to see a new bruise on his chest. 

He started the engine and he felt two tears run down his cheeks. He dried them but he couldn’t stop them, he ended with crying helplessly with his forehead pressed against the steering wheel and his sobs surrounded him. He sniffed and he said to himself that he was okay, that nothing was going to hurt him in his car, that he was safe inside his head and inside his small bubble. Nothing was going to hurt him there, he just needed to drive to his school and then, then he could start to worry about what was going to happen to him.

Surely Jason was already waiting for him outside the school, surely Mark was already thinking about what he was going to say to him, surely Larry was thinking about a new place for a new bruise, surely Joy was thinking about a new way to break his bottom lip. He gulped at his thoughts and he pulled out of his driveway, knowing that his eyes were red and puffy. He got lost in his thoughts again and in less than ten minutes he arrived in the parking lot of the school. His legs were shaking and his lips were swollen by his bites. He checked his eyes in the rearview mirror and he sighed.

Being Brendon Urie was awful. Being transsexual was awful. Being Brendon Urie and being transgender was like a suicide.

*

Dallon Weekes was listening to his sister complain about school. They had moved there after their parents had died in a car accident and his sister, Breezy, couldn’t handle to live in their old house, there was too memories in that place and Dallon understood her. He had had to say goodbye to few people but that new town seemed better than the previous one, Breezy had already made friends and he was happy for her. He had managed to drive her to school that day, it was his free day and he wanted to spend more time with his little sister. 

“And you should see him, Dall! He’s handsome and funny.” Breezy said clapping her hands, smiling and fluttering her long lashes, “I’d like to talk to him.”

“Do it, c’mon he won’t bite you.” Dallon pulled in the parking lot and he sighed, “I’m tired of hear about your crush.” he chuckled and his sister punched slightly his arm, mumbling about his fool behavior, “See you tonight.” he watched her run towards her friends and he smiled at her, waving his hand and adjusting his sunglasses. 

He looked around and he his face became sad. He hated his memories about his period in high-school, he had hated those years. He cringed and a shiver run down his back, making him uncomfortable, luckily he was out of that shitty place and his work was the only joy in his life. He loved to work at the Bank and he loved to be the boss, he loved to have everything in his hands and he had to admit that he was pretty rich. 

When Breezy had born he had been twelve and he was used to take care of her, she had been his whole world since then because their parents were busy. He had loved to teach her how to write, how to read, how to speak and how to walk, they had always been close to each other and when he had left for his work Breezy had started to be really sad. That had made everything worse but he had managed to be present in her life.

When their parents died he was shocked. He and Breezy had tried to stay in their old house but after two weeks everything had hit them, making his little sister a walking and sobbing mess. He couldn’t handle to see her in that way and he had decided to take her with him in his own house. She had been happy and they had moved in California from Utah. Breezy had fallen in love with the small town where they lived and Dallon was happy to see her with her cheerful smile. 

He watched the traffic from the window of a Cafè and he sighed, sipping his hot drink and touching his hair. He gulped and he looked at the waitress, he thanked her with a shy smile and he hid his face behind his cup of coffee, taking another sip and looking at his phone, seeing that Breezy had texted him saying that she was going to bring a friend in his house that afternoon. He smiled and he said to her that he was okay with that, but he reminded her that he didn’t want to see or hear  _anything_ . He could imagine Breezy’s cheeks being red as a tomato and he giggled.

He sat up and he returned in the car, he looked at his hands and he saw the old scars of his bass strings, he missed his instrument but he was too busy and he could only managed to have his work as hobby. He hadn’t played since the last year in high-school and he didn’t want to ruin his perfect job with a silly thing like playing bass. He hated the thought of leaving his passion but he couldn’t cultivate that anymore. Probably that was one of the main reason of his constant sadness but he couldn’t help that, he couldn’t do anything apart suffer in silent and watching his life fall apart but with style. His work was the only thing in his life and he couldn’t imagine his life without it anymore, he needed to keep his mind busy.

Being Dallon Weekes was sad. Being unsatisfied was sad. Being a sad Dallon Weekes was awful.

*

Brendon didn’t know how he ended in the girl toilet, it was the nearest place after his usual “encounter” with the bullies. He had ran there with his lower lip broken and a bruise on his chest, he was crying helplessly and his head was aching too much, he knew he had lost his first period but he didn’t care, he didn’t care at all. He needed to feel sure again about himself before starting his day. He needed to hear someone say that he was a handsome man, he couldn’t go on anymore. He couldn’t and maybe he didn’t want to.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asked to him. He saw two legs stand in front of him and he curled himself in a ball, “You’re a guy, you shouldn’t be here.” the girl said looking at him with suspicious eyes, he looked at her and he felt his eyes full of tears. He started to cry again and the girl’s face became pure sadness. “Boy, what happened? Who did this to your face?” Brendon tried to speak but a sob escaped from his mouth and he felt tired. “Oh dear, let me help you, please.” Brendon nodded and he stood up quickly, feeling his vision become blurry and unclear because of the tears. “I’m Breezy, Breezy Weekes.” 

“B-Brendon Urie.” he muttered drying his eyes and hiding his hands in his pockets. 

“Oh I know who you are! We have a lot of periods together. You don’t talk much in class, though.” she said with a giggle, patting his back and caressing it after few seconds, “Want to skip Chemistry and Math?” Brendon nodded and she smiled, “Perfect! Let’s go then.” 

Brendon stood up and Breezy placed her hand on his shoulders, testing his balance and Brendon almost fell over, he gritted his teeth and he repressed his tears. He sighed and the girl looked at him suspiciously, she said to him to sat down again and she grabbed her phone, dialing a number and starting to speak quickly and muttering some curses, whispering a “sorry” after them. He sighed and he hid his face between his hands when he heard the girl say that she needed that person to pick them from school.

“Hey, listen my brother would take you home. We can go now.” she helped him to get up and he flinched when she touched his chest, “They’ve beaten you up pretty bad, huh?” Brendon nodded and for once he felt safe near that girl. 

“W-why are you helping me?” he stuttered.

“Because you need help and because you are alone as much as me.” Breezy said carrying him out of their school, “Plus you remind me of my brother, and he’s a sad person.” she let him sit down under a tree and started to look around, “I’m sure that Dallon would be happy to know that I’m helping you. By the way, Dallon is my brother.” Breezy laughed and she patted his back, looking at the bruise on his bottom lip. “You won’t tell me who did this, will you?” Brendon shook his head and he sighed, watching her with watery eyes and feeling his tears start to run down his cheeks.

A car pulled in the parking lot and Brendon tried to stop his sobs, but he couldn’t and Breezy hugged him carefully, petting his hair and caressing his back. Brendon cried even more when he felt a soft voice asking what had happened to him, but he kept his mouth shut and Breezy said nothing, then the soft voice became a soft pair of hands on his shoulders and his eyes met two shiny icy blues diamonds. He gulped and his tears stopped, he sobbed twice more and he let go of Breezy’s arm, pulling back and shaking when the man in front of him stared at his face with wide eyes.

Brendon opened his mouth to speak but another sob escaped to him and he hid his face with his hands. He was crying like a damn cry baby.

*

Dallon was speechless, he looked at Breezy for the whole car ride but she stayed silent and the boy in the backseats was looking at his shoes, biting his nails. He didn’t even know the name of that boy but he was driving him home and he felt his heart hurt at the thought of his scars and bruises. He had been there too, he knew his feeling and he knew that he couldn’t be left alone in those instants, he needed to talk and to know that someone cared about him; those things hadn’t been there for him and he had almost ended with killing himself. 

He opened the main door and he let Breezy and the boy walk in, he smiled at him and the younger boy blushed avoiding his eyes. He asked to his sister to walk him into the bathroom and then he decided to take her back to school, she couldn’t miss her lessons and Breezy didn’t complain because she knew that Brendon was safe with his brother. 

Dallon left Brendon alone for few minutes and then he returned to him, finding the boy in the bathroom with his head hidden between his knees. He didn’t know what he could do in that situation because he didn’t know the boy, probably he had to check his scars and bruises but he didn’t want to disturb him even if he needed some painkillers and medicines. He sat down next to him and the boy’s head snap up, he looked at him with scared eyes and his lower lip started to tremble. He had grabbed the first aid kit before and he had everything he needed with him. He smiled at the boy and he saw him flinch with tears running down his cheeks. He opened his mouth few times and he lifted his hand, the boy curled himself in a tight shaking ball and Dallon didn’t know what to do to calm him down.

“I’m Dallon, Breezy’s brother. Are you two dating or something?” he asked smiling and giggling, trying to make the guy comfortable. 

“N-no, I’ve just m-met her in the t-t-toilets.” he licked his ruined lips and he tried to hold back a sob, “I’m Brendon Urie.” he muttered looking at the mirror in front of him. He was awful, he was worse than the other days.

“Okay Brendon, you need to lift your shirt now. Breezy told me that they kicked your ribs and I need to check them.” Dallon said softly, touching slightly his knee.

Brendon gulped and he shook his head, he couldn’t allow Dallon to see his chest, he couldn’t because Dallon would be disgusted by his body and he didn’t want to be beaten up again; once was sufficient for him. He shook his head again and few tears ran down his cheeks again, Dallon sighed and he patted his head, he touched carefully his stomach and Brendon hissed in pain, the older boy looked at him and Brendon lifted his shirt just a bit, a tiny bit to permit to Dallon to take care of his bruises. 

Dallon put some anti-inflammatory gel on the two big bruise and he readjust his t-shirt. He looked at him and he licked his lips, Brendon was handsome. His cheekbones were sharp but not too much, his neck was solid and his jaw was perfectly squared, his nose wasn’t big and his lips were plumped, he wanted to touch them so badly that he slapped himself mentally. Brendon was one of the prettiest boy that he had ever seen, his body seemed perfect and his eyes were warm, hot and deep while his ones where cold and flat. Brendon seemed to be a perfect boy and he didn’t understand why other guys seemed to hate him. 

“This will hurt a bit.” Dallon said starting to press gingerly a little ball of cotton on his lower lip, cleaning the wounds with disinfectant. “Sorry, Bren.” he murmured softly, seeing him frown and feeling his breath against his hand. “There’s a cut on your forehead to clean and then I’m done.” Dallon said pressing his fingers on his head, lifting his hair a bit and brushing carefully the cotton on the wound, smiling at him and tapping the tip of his nose with his index when he was done, the younger boy smiled shyly and he let out a chuckle, blushing after that, “Now, you need to rest okay? I’ll prepare you a cup of tea and then you’ll take a painkiller. It will make you a little bit sleepy so it’s better if you rest on my bed. The couch isn’t so comfortable as it seems.” Dallon helped him to stand up and he placed his arm under his shoulder, feeling something under his arm, which was more thick than the cloth of his shirt.

“Why are you helping me? You d-don’t know who I-I am.” Brendon said shivering and starting to cry again. He was a complete waste of oxygen. “I’m not worth it.” he whispered closing his eyes and letting Dallon carry him around the house.

“You need help, I know how you feel right now. Plus if Breezy trusts you, well I don’t see the point to don’t do it too.” Dallon let him lay down on his bed and he sat down next to him, “Who did this and why?” he asked softly, starting to bite his nails. 

“F-f-four guys because I’m…” Brendon bit his lip and he looked at his lap, blinking away his tears, “I’m different.” he whispered, hiding his face between his hands and letting out a sob, which cause a lot of pain in his shaking body. “I’m g-gay. I’m gay.” he said sniffing and wiping away his tears, he didn’t look at Dallon but he felt his eyes on him “I’ll go now. Thanks for, for everything.” he muttered standing up, but the older boy shook his head smiling.

“I’m no one to say something, plus there’s nothing wrong with being gay. It’s completely normal, Brendon, love is always normal.” Dallon said with a huge smile, patting the mattress and standing up, “I’ll make you a cup of tea with some biscuits so you can take your painkillers.” Dallon said ruffling his hair carefully. 

Brendon was speechless and he didn’t how to react to his words. He was right, damn right and he just wanted to hug that unknown person because in an hour and half he had understood him better than his own mother. Dallon seemed a cool man, he was sure that his girlfriend was lucky and he knew that he was being dumb, but he needed to be near him in that moment, he needed to know that someone cared about him and his health, like Dallon had done. 

Few minutes later he came back with two mugs and a lot of chocolate chips biscuits, Brendon wasn’t hungry but Dallon convinced him to eat two of them with his hot Earl Gray tea. He took his painkillers and the older man wrapped him in a blanket, turning off the lights and sitting down on the bed because Brendon asked him to stay. Dallon was happy to make him comfortable enough, he didn’t know why but that guy was special and he knew that he was already too close to him. They weren’t even friends but Dallon wanted to know him and he wanted protect him from those twats. 

He stroked his hair and Brendon shifted towards him grunting, he looked at the boy with a sad smile and he laid down with him, facing him and caressing his face. Damn it, it wasn’t the first time that he felt a shiver run down his back looking at an unknown person, it was used to experiment “love at first sight” but in that moment he was close to that person and he couldn’t stop to stare at him. He knew it was creepy but he couldn’t help it, Brendon was sleeping in a cute position and his lips were slightly parted. 

Brendon for once felt safe during his sleep and he didn’t wake up sobbing because of a nightmare. He was safe there but a voice in his head reminded him that he was lying, lying about his whole life to a stranger. He couldn’t say to Dallon that he was born as a female, he couldn’t tell him the truth and he couldn’t stop his thoughts now. He couldn’t and he wanted to scream so badly.


	2. Due

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small and cute chapter

In the past few weeks, Brendon had been better. Breezy was always with him at school and he had entered in her group of friends. He was okay for the first time in four years, but he would lie to himself if he said that _everything_ was fine. He was starting to spend too much time with Dallon and his feeling were starting to be a little bit strange, he didn’t know how to react to them because he knew that he was gay, but he didn’t know if he was just confused or if he had a crush for the older boy.

He was happy near him and his little secret seemed to don’t matter. Dallon was a nice person, he was a “cool guy” and he loved the sound of his voice, his presence was good for him and he felt lighter when he was in the same room with Dallon. Once he had told him that he was really cute and smart, Brendon had felt some butterflies in his stomach for the rest of the day and his cheeks had been pink for almost two hours. Dallon was amazing, he knew a lot of things and he knew how to make Brendon feeling right.

He was sitting in Breezy’s bedroom with his legs pressed against the closet, he was hearing her talking about a guy in her History class. He was nodding and he was smiling, giggling and laughing when she started to complain about the fact that he was too shy to talk with someone. Brendon started to tell her about his tiny crush and the first thing Breezy asked was if they was a girl or a boy, making Brendon shift uncomfortably. He had already came out but every time it was hard, he didn’t know how she would react to his words. He murmured “I’m gay” looking at his shoes and Breezy nodded, clapping her hands and asking him to describe his crush.

Brendon was still scared to tell her the truth, he didn’t want to freak her out but they were good friends and he didn’t want to hide his secret anymore. He was a guy, he was a boy even if he had a pair of boobs, fortunately the binder was able to hide them from everyone. Breezy had always said that he was a handsome boy and the fact that she used masculine adjective and masculine name made him happy. Even Dallon used to talk about him as a boy and his stomach knocked obscenely.

“And he knows who you are, right?” Breezy asked pinching his arms.

“Stop it!” Brendon squealed “Yeah, he does.”

“Do I know him?”

“No.”

“I know him.”

“Breezy!” Brendon said sitting up and looking at her with a small smile, “Yes, okay, you know him.”

She blinked and she hummed, “Oh, is it Dallon?” she asked with a smirk, Brendon shook his head and the girl started to laugh “Yeah, yeah my big brother is your crush. That’s cute, strange because Dallon is old but cute.”

“I’m not old!” Dallon shouted from the living room.

Breezy looked at Brendon with huge eyes and her lips were parted, Brendon was paler than ever and his hands were shaking. He wanted to disappear in that exact moment, he knew he was blushing like hell and his eyes were locked with Breezy’s who was biting her lower lip silently, tapping her fingers on her thighs.

Dallon knocked his sister’s bedroom’s door, he opened it slowly and he looked at the two teenagers sit down on the floor. Brendon was pale and his sister seemed to be sorry as hell. “So, who thinks I’m cute?” he asked chewing some chips.

“No one.” Breezy said smiling and Brendon sighed, “why are you here?”

“Why your door was closed?” Breezy shrugged and Dallon passed a hand through his hair, “Plus, were you talking with that Hannah from your old school? I swear to God I can’t stand her.” Dallon said sitting down next to them, crossing his legs.

“Why are you here? Go away!” Breezy said joking and scratching the back of her head, “Oh c’mon, Hannah wasn’t a bad person, though.”

“She tried to kiss me while she was drunk?” he said cocking an eyebrow and opening his pack of chips.

“She thought that you were straight.”

“She thought that I was straight my ass.” Dallon said holding out the pack of crisps to Brendon, “Are you hungry?” Brendon shook his head and he looked at his shoes, “Boy you need to eat some junk food once a week.” he chuckled and Brendon stared at him with parted lips, blushing and gulping.

Breezy started to ramble about one of her friends and Dallon sighed, he looked at Brendon and he smiled at him, tickling his hips when he saw the boy yawning. He made him laugh and Breezy stared at them, muttering about the fact that hew whole “clique” was queer apart her. Dallon shrugged and he patted her shoulder, saying that he was going to make dinner and asking to Brendon to stay with them for the meal. The boy nodded and Dallon clapped his hands, standing up and ruffling his hair, yawning.

Breezy sighed in relief and Brendon hid his face in his hands, he was so embarrassed about what happened and Breezy felt sorry, she apologized but Brendon said that it was okay, at least Dallon had believed her. Brendon wanted to be “clean” with the girl and he decided to tell the truth to her that night after dinner, he needed someone on his side in that moment and his mom wasn’t enough. His friends were only Breezy and Dallon and he wanted to be open with them about everything, he didn’t want to hide himself anymore.

After dinner Dallon asked to Brendon to stay for the night, he said yes and he ended in their living room, Breezy was chatting with one of her friends and Dallon was working on some papers from his job. He was absorbed by it and he couldn’t help some sighs and whines, he was tired and he wanted to sleep, hugging his pillow and snoring like there was no tomorrow, but he couldn’t and that was making him mad. He had awful dark circles under his eyes and he was bored to death about his work but he didn’t want to stop either.

He looked at Brendon and Breezy, arching an eyebrow when he caught them too close, whispering and giggling. They was really good friends and he was kind of jealous. Breezy was his sister and he was afraid that Brendon could tear them apart. No, that wasn’t the truth. He was jealous of what they had because he wanted to share that kind of friendship with Brendon, but it would be weird because Brendon was an eighteen years old boy and he was twelve years older than him. It would be awkward, plus Breezy had told him to don’t put Brendon under pressure and he didn’t want to make him nervous. He had seen him anxious and tired, he had seen him beaten up and he had seen his pretty face covered in fear. It hadn’t been a “cool show”.

*

“Breezy are you awake?” Brendon whispered during the night, after two hours wide awake in the small bed.

“Yeah, what’s the matter?” Breezy said with a yawn, rubbing her eyes and sitting up.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, sweetheart.” she mumbled with a sleepy voice.

“What, uhm what do you think about transgender people?” he said shyly, scratching his neck and touching his flat chest.

“Never met one, I think they’re normal people like you and me, there’s nothing wrong with being transsexual.” Breezy muttered yawning and licking her lips, “Why are you asking?”

“Can I tell you a secret? Like a big one?” she hummed in response and Brendon sighed heavily, “I- I was born as a female, Breezy.”

There was a moment of silence in the room and Brendon thought for the worst, he was ready to been kicked out and he his eyes were full of tears while his heart was pounding in his chest. “Okay, so you uhm, well you had completed your transition or?” she asked softly, standing up and sitting down on the other bed.

“No, no I still have boobs and, and well what you have too.” Brendon said quietly, rubbing his neck, “My, my name was Elisabeth and… and that’s it.” he sniffed and he laughed silently, “I’m Brendon, I’m a boy even if I have breast and other stuff.”

“Are you taking testosterone? At what age did you realize that you were born in the wrong body? I’m so curious!” she said a little bit too excited, jumping in Brendon’s bed and curling next to him.

“Yes I’m taking T and I was seven years old? I think so, I was really young.” Brendon said stroking his arms and breathing deeply, feeling his chest being heavy and tight for his lungs.

“How can you make your chest so flat? I mean, the first time I saw you I thought that you were really masculine and it was obvious for me to think that you were born as a boy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Have you seen your jaw and your arms?” she said tickling his hips, giggling.

Brendon started to cry and he tugged at Breezy’s t-shirt, hiding his face in the pillow and sobbing messily, he was happy but at the same time he was scared, he didn’t know what to do now because he had told her his biggest secret and he didn’t know how to behave next to her. She knew everything about him now and she was okay with who he was, but he couldn’t stop his thoughts. What if she wanted to say something to Dallon? What if the older boy found out? What if he had heard them talking? He was scared now, he was really scared and his tears were soaking the sheets.

Breezy hugged him gently and she patted his back, stroking his hair and whispering that everything was okay, “Why are you crying? Have you ever told this to anyone else?” he shook his head and Breezy nodded, “Do you want to tell this to anyone else in the future?” he nodded and Breezy smiled, “Well, I’m sure that my friends would be supportive about this.” Brendon nodded again and he sniffed quietly, he hugged her back and he sighed, “Does Dallon know about this?” he shivered and he shook his head, hiding his face even more in the pillow, “I won’t say anything.”

*

Dallon the next morning was more tired than the other day, he had yawned almost five times while he had made breakfast and he was falling asleep with his face in his bowl of cereal. He let his head fall on the table and he waited for his sister and Brendon to come down, he had heard them talk the previous night buy he hadn’t caught what they were saying and he was almost trembling, feeling the impulsive need to ask them about the topic of their nocturnal talk. He was a curious person but it was okay because Breezy was his little sister and he wanted to watch after her.

Brendon was a good guy and Dallon trusted him, he knew that he wouldn’t try to touch his sister, he had told him that he was gay and Dallon _knew_ that it was the truth. Brendon was lovely guy and that side of him was starting to make his heart run too fast. He was starting to feel his lungs empty near him and his stomach used to knock tightly, making him gasp and blush, but he couldn’t help it and the only thing that he wanted was to spend a whole day with Brendon, trying to figure out his real feelings towards the boy. Maybe he could ask to Breezy to spend an afternoon with his other friends and to let him stay with Brendon; it would be great, they were friends after all.

He heard footsteps down the stairs and then he saw a sleepy Brendon enter the kitchen, Breezy after him with messy hair and a relaxed face. He said good morning and he earned a grunt from the boy, he chuckled and then he blushed, face palming himself mentally; he was so stupid sometimes. Breezy looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk, she knew him too well and he was starting to feel the air getting thick.

“I heard you talking tonight.” Dallon said casually. Brendon chocked himself with a sip of coffee and he started to cough helplessly, “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Breezy said quickly, patting his back and standing up, “Bren do you want to go out?” she said with a smile.

“N-no, I think I-I’ll go home.” he stuttered looking at his feet, sighing and placing his mug in the sink.

“Need a ride?” Dallon asked looking at him, locking their eyes together and seeing Brendon blush helplessly. The boy nodded and Dallon stood up, scratching his back and stretching his arms with a groan, “Ah, I’m getting old.” he muttered hiding back in his room, needing to put something more presentable on himself.

Brendon was still in the kitchen with Breezy and he was looking at her with scared eyes, he was afraid to do something stupid because he wasn’t used to be around Dallon on his own. Breezy was always with them and she had always kept him safe, but now he would be alone with the older boy and he didn’t know that to do, he was afraid, he was really afraid to fuck everything up. Dallon was amazing, he was an amazing human being and Brendon was really comfortable near him, the fact that he had a tiny little crush for him was a huge stop for him to act normally. He loved to share small talks with him and he loved to laugh at his stupid “dad jokes”, which were too funny and silly even for Brendon and his “serious look”.

Dallon was very important to Brendon and he wanted to be truth with him, Breezy had reacted in a splendid way but he was afraid of his reaction. Just because he wasn’t straight it didn’t mean that he was okay with transgender people, he was still insecure about his body and his masculine figure, he couldn’t be normal around Dallon especially for that, he hated to need to hide himself because he hated his look. He just wanted to be happy and he just wanted to be in peace with his own mind and his own thoughts.

*

Breezy had stayed at home and Brendon had jumped in Dallon’s car, paying attention to his chest and checking if his binder was keeping everything in place; he was always scared about that. He hated that constant feeling in his chest and he hated his insecurities, he couldn’t stand that usually and he couldn’t stand them even more when he was around Dallon. He was afraid of his eyes and his thoughts, he was afraid of what he could say about him.

“Do you want a coffee?” Dallon asked patting his left knee, making Brendon jump in his seat.

“What? Uhm, yeah sure.” Brendon said looking outside the window. “Starbucks?” he murmured biting his nails.

“Sure.” Dallon smiled at him and he saw him blush slightly, “Hey, are you okay? You seem a little bit tense. Maybe a coffee isn’t the right chose.” he muttered patting his knee again and smiling at him with a soft look in his face. Brendon sighed and his eyes became a little bit watery, he stared at the people outside the car and he sniffed. Dallon caressed his back and he bit his lips, he was sorry for him and he wanted to know what was wrong with him. He wanted to help that little boy and his huge mind.

Brendon shivered and his hands started to tremble, he looked at Dallon and the words in his head started to make him anxious, he was scared and excited at the same time, he wanted to look at Dallon and said those three words to him because that was what he was. He wasn’t happy enough though, but he was working on it even if his thoughts were always against him and his needs. Luckily his mother was by his side and he didn’t have to deal with an awful background behind him. His mom was great and he had Breezy too now, maybe even Dallon and that was enough in those instants.

 Dallon dragged him in the Starbucks near his school and Brendon was almost comfortable near him, feeling his presence at his side and feeling his deep blue eyes fixed on him. He felt important and special. Brendon looked at the costumers in the Starbucks and he blinked, there was no one from his school and he sighed in relief, knowing that he was safe for once. He stared at Dallon and he let him order for the two of them, smiling when he chose a caramel macchiato for him. That was his favorite drink.

“You know, we can go to the mall later, I have to buy few things and then we can go to the hill, if you want obviously.” Dallon said with a soft smile. Brendon nodded and the older man patted his back, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the shop. “Hey do you want to have lunch together? I can cook.”

“Don’t you have to go to work?” Brendon muttered, looking at their hands.

“No, not today.” Dallon ruffled his hair and letting his hand go down on his face, touching slightly his cheeks with the back of his hand. “So, do you want to stay?” Brendon nodded and his eyes became lighter and brighter, making Dallon smile and his heart started to race in his chest. He was glad to have Brendon all for himself for a whole day. “Hey, we could have lunch at the hill!” Dallon said with a huge grin, he was so damn excited to have him for himself.

“Yeah, why not.” Brendon murmured looking at his shoes, he was embarrassed and he was trying to find the right words to say what he wanted to say to Dallon. That was the day and he was sure about it, he wanted to be true with him and he wanted to be open with him. Dallon was starting to be too much important in his life and he couldn’t keep to lie and to hide under his large clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello again. I'm literally dying because of school and ugh, but at the same time I'm quite happy about my studies. So today I feel a little bit better than usually and I decided to update.  
>  Did you miss me? (if you get the cit I'll marry you) 
> 
> I'll promise to update again as soon as possible, until then I hope you'll have a wonderful week-end and an even nicer week. See you soon pals.


	3. Tre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this is sad

Dallon was actually trembling with anticipation, he was dying inside at the thought of a whole day with Brendon, being allowed to stare at him, talk to him, make him laugh and smile because damn it, his smile was beautiful. Brendon’s eyes were sad usually but sometimes they were shiny and Dallon was completely in love with them; he didn’t know how people could hit him at school. Brendon was flawless.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dallon said softly, watching Brendon pick a pack of chips from a shelf.

“Sure.” he muttered chewing his fingernails.

“Why are you sad?”

“This is not a proper talk to do in a supermarket”, he said with a giggle, looking at him with a weak smile, “and I’m not sad.”

Dallon sighed and he placed his hands on his shoulders, staring at him for few seconds, “You can talk to me, I mean I care about you ya know?” Brendon nodded and blushed, looking away and pushing him a little bit, punching his arm jokingly. “Let’s go to pay.”

The ride to the hill was silent and Brendon was keeping his hands on his knees, he smiled and he watched Dallon, smiling when he saw the older boy humming a song and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Brendon felt his head become lighter and his anxiety started to fade away, he was starting to feel his life run through his body and he felt a shy smile ruin his serious face. Dallon was his happy and safe place but he couldn’t live with him for his whole life, he couldn’t be with him any minute of his day and that was the sad part.

“What do you want to eat?” Dallon asked, changing radio station.

“Chips.” Brendon said with a smile, regretting his decision when he looked at his thighs, finding them terrible. “No, I mean I want the salad first.”

“Nah man, we’ll eat a bit of junk food today. Plus we have pizza, so yeah, let’s eat unhealthy stuff.” Dallon said ruffling his hair and slapping himself mentally. He was a moron, he was a fucking moron. He looked at Brendon with wide eyes and he found two beautiful pink cheeks in front of him with a deep pair of dark brown eyes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to be too touchy.” he whispered looking at his hands on the steering wheel.

“It’s not a problem.” Brendon said fixing his eyes on his shoes, he sighed and he looked at his belly, feeling his eyes full of tears when he saw his flat crotch. He was a freak and he didn’t want to be “wrong” anymore, he didn’t want to be that person anymore. He wanted to feel okay but he couldn’t, for fuck’s sake he had a vagina and that wasn’t _right_. He was so wrong _\- wrong, wrong, wrong,_ \- and he wanted to disappear. How could he think that Dallon was going to accept him if he didn’t accept himself first?

He rubbed his eyes forcefully and he let out a shaky breath, he repressed his sobs and tears and he swallowed, feeling his throat dry and his lips chapped. He was afraid and he was tired, he couldn’t keep to live in that way and he couldn’t keep to hide under his mask made of fear and punch in the face every damn day. Brendon was sick of his life but when he was with Dallon his mind was free and light, he felt good and his anxiety seemed to be a little quieter. Dallon was better than his medicines and he was glad to be friend with the older boy. He was really glad to have him in his life and to have Breezy as best-friend.

“Well, here we are.” Dallon said turning off the engine, opening his door and grabbing the bags full of food, “Do you wanna lay a blanket on the grass? We could have a pic-nick or something.” Brendon nodded and he followed Dallon, carrying with him a backpack. He hissed when the binder started to ache a bit and Dallon noticed that, stopping in the middle of the little park and watching Brendon with a skeptical look, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” His shirt was large and his hoodie was larger than the t-shirt, he could remove that damn thing because maybe his chest would seem flat even without the binder, but he didn’t want to risk so he bit his lower lip and he waited few seconds, trying to adjust himself. He looked at Dallon and the boy smiled at him softly, showing his little dimples. “I’m kinda hungry.”

“Me too! I want to eat like a whole bag of chips, a pizza and an ice-cream from Cold Stone. Damn it, I’m a trash can.”

Brendon giggled and he sat down on the blanket, “You’re not a trash can, you’re a treasure.”

And then Brendon realized that he fucked up. He fucked up badly.

Dallon blinked and a small smile appeared on his face. He stroked his cheeks and Brendon blushed, pressing his skin against that warm palm. Dallon’s hand was soft and hot, a little bit sweaty but it felt so right on his skin and it made him feel beautiful. He leaned on and Dallon hugged him tightly, placing a hand on his hair and stroking it slowly, making him feel safe again. Brendon muttered a “thank you” and he closed his eyes, allowing his mind to rest.

Dallon smiled and he caressed his back, patting it, “So, do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“It’s hard to say.”

“Why?”

“It’s not an easy topic.”

“Nothing is easy in this world.”

Brendon sighed and he nodded, broking the hug and staring at Dallon with watery eyes, “What, what if I was transgender?”

Dallon’s jaw fell, he looked at him with wide eyes and his thoughts started to collide with each others, he gulped and he licked his lips, nodding few times and staring at Brendon, “Then I guess I will be perfectly fine with that.” he whispered shyly, touching Brendon’s arm gingerly, “Also, pronouns?”

Brendon blinked and he hugged Dallon, he hugged him so tightly that he knocked off his own breath, he was melting in that hug and Dallon seemed to feel the same because he held him as closer as possible, hiding his face in the juncture of his neck with his shoulder. “He/ him, please.”

“Well, my dear Brendon, I haven’t realized that so I-I’m a little bit shocked to be honest but, how- I mean I know how you did the transition, but is that the reason why people at your school bully you?”

Brendon nodded, “I’m a transgender, I’m gay, I’m the perfect target.” he mumbled nuzzling his hair and sniffing a bit, repressing a sob. He felt Dallon place a soft and pure kiss on his head and he blushed, trying to hide in that warm hug that they had built. He was so comfortable in those arms that he almost fell asleep, but Dallon’s voice kept him awake and it kept a stupid smile on his lips.

*

Maybe they ended with staying at the hill until seven p.m. and maybe Brendon’s mom was freaking out a bit when Dallon drove him home. He felt sorry and he apologized with his mother, saying that it was all of his fault because he had lost track of time; she just smiled and asked him if he was Brendon’s boyfriend, making him giggle and embarrassing Brendon. But he didn’t deny that and his action made Brendon’s stomach nock. Damn Dallon and his damn personality.

His mother asked him if he wanted to eat dinner with them but Dallon said that he needed to cook something to Breezy and to take care of his little sister, Brendon pouted a bit but Dallon was firm on his decision and he just said goodbye to the younger boy with a warm hug, caressing his back. Dallon whispered in his ear that he was going to pick him the following day, deciding to drive him too school. It was unusual but he really wanted to spend more time with Brendon, plus he was going to have an important meeting during the morning and Brendon was the only person that could calm him down.

Brendon said yes to him with a huge smile and he hugged Dallon back, hearing his mother sighing from the living room. Dallon went away and Brendon closed the door, pressing his back against the cold wood, trying to calm his nerves. He was feeling his stomach close in a tight nock and he let out a shaky breath, he was happy and he was flying, his mind was flying and his heart was so light that he didn’t feel it bump as always in his ears. He was fucking glad to know Dallon and he couldn’t stop to think about him, he couldn’t stop to giggle- yes sir, giggle like a damn baby- thinking about how cute was Dallon with his icy blue eyes and his shy smile, so childish compared with his whole body, really manly and strong.

He slept way too better that the other days, he wasn’t tired and he was so damn happy that he couldn’t stop to smile, he had even eaten his breakfast and his mother had been so shocked that her mug fell off of her hands. He smiled at her and after he finished his coffee he went out, waiting to see Dallon’s car pull in his drive-way. He was almost trembling and his hands were shaking, he was freezing in his soft hoodie. When he saw the white BMW he panicked a bit, feeling his cheeks become red and his heart race in his chest.

“Hey, how are you?” Breezy’s fresh voice cheered him and Brendon smiled.

“Hi, I’m fine, what about you?” Brendon looked at her and then at Dallon, “Hello Dallon, how you doing?”

“Good, good. Now sit down, I don’t want any trouble.” Dallon said with a chuckle, driving them to their school and staying quiet for the whole ride, letting Breezy talk.

“Now, I said to her ‘well dear, you should keep your mouth shut because we all know that you’re a complete bitch about this shit’ and you know what she said to me?” Brendon scrolled his head and Dallon blinked, “It was something like ‘at least I don’t have faggots as friend’ and that’s why I can’t go to the library anymore.”

Brendon laughed and Dallon shook his head, “I’m still questioning myself if you really are my sister but then I remember that I’ve almost seen you born.”

“Disgusting.” Breezy mumbled with a smirk.

“You were a cry baby, though.”

Breezy started to whine and Brendon laughed even harder, feeling his life starting to be _okay_.

*

**Beebo:** Could you come to my school and get me away from here?

**Dalloff:** Why? What happened?

**Beebo;** Duchebags, few punches, I’ve been spitting blood for the last few minutes.

**Dalloff:** Jesus Christ, again?

**Dalloff:** By the way, I’m on my way. You sure that I can pick you up? I’m not a parent.

**Beebo:** Screw that shit, just come here. Please?

**Dalloff** : Yeah, yeah, I’m on my way, give me ten minutes.

**Beebo:** Thank you.

**Dalloff:** No need to thank me, you would do the same.

**Beebo:** I don’t have a drive license?

**Dalloff:** Oh shush, you’d do the same.

**Beebo:** True.

**Dalloff:** Where did they punch you?

**Beebo:** Are you driving and texting at the same time?

**Dalloff:** No, I have Siri, you know?

**Beebo:** Alright

**Beebo:** Uhm they punched me in the stomach and they slapped me, nothing new.

**Beebo:** It’s just that they kicked my chest too and you know, it hurts.

**Dalloff:** Why weren’t you with Breezy?

**Beebo:** I was in the bathroom, she can’t be with me there.

**Dalloff:** I’m almost there. Where are you?

**Beebo:** Nurse. She said that I have to talk with the principal.

**Beebo:** I don’t want to.

**Dalloff:** Why?

**Beebo:** He doesn’t know that I’m transgender.

**Beebo:** He thinks that I’m just a gay kid.

**Dalloff:** Brendon you have to talk with him.

**Beebo:** I don’t want to.

**Dalloff:** Why?

**Beebo:** I’m scared.

*

Brendon was sitting on the bathtub, Dallon was kneeling in front of him and he was covering his scars with disinfectant and anti-inflammatory gel. This time he wasn’t crying and he was looking at the his feet, sighing and playing with the rim of his t-shirt, he was so tired to live that he didn’t have any strength in his body, he just wanted to die. He just wanted to put the word “end” to that mess that was his life, he couldn’t handle that anymore.

“Am I hurting you?” Dallon asked softly, pressing slowly and softly the cotton on his wounds.

“No.” he whispered sniffing, coughing and moving uncomfortably. His binder was squeezing him and he couldn’t breathe.

“Almost done.” Dallon said with a smile, caressing his clean cheek. “God, I hate them. What’s their problem?” he shrugged.

“I’m trans? I’m gay?” Brendon mumbled licking his swollen lip.

“It shouldn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“No it doesn’t. You’re a boy and your sexuality isn’t a fucking problem!” Dallon almost shouted and Brendon flinched, “Sorry.”

He let few tears run down his cheeks and he sighed, drying them and looking away, trying to breathe, “Can I lay down for a bit?” Dallon nodded and he helped him to stand up, carrying him in his bedroom and making him lay down on his bed, “Thank you.” His voice was so low and shaky that Dallon smiled sadly.

“Call me if you need something.”

Brendon nodded and he waited for Dallon to leave, then he removed his shirt and he looked at him in the mirror, starting to unbutton the binder and letting it fall down. He started to cry and he curled in a ball, sniffing and shaking, sobbing so loudly that his throat started to hurt. He was a mess and he wanted to die so badly that it was hurting. He wanted to disappear and he wanted to let go, he just wanted to give up. Dallon had been helping him, Breezy and his mom did that too but he felt so lonely and ugly and imperfect and awful. He was garbage. He was a freak. He wasn’t worth it. He was just hurting himself even more and he was forcing everyone in a shitty situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hello everyone, how you doing? I hope you're having a beautiful day. So, first of all I wanted to say that I've finished this story, woo! Actually, I kinda like this? I don't know? Oh anyway, now I have more free days because I've passed my exams and I'm going to an Artistic Highs School for the first time and I'm going to start on Monday. I couldn't be happier. So, I'll see you soon pals


	4. Quattro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some happy cheesy stuff because I need it

Dallon wasn’t expecting to find Brendon on the floor, he didn’t expect to find him asleep, he didn’t expect to find him shirtless. He was on the cold carpet curled in a ball, his face covered in tears and his hands were around his knees, Dallon sighed and he stroked his hair, he didn’t know what to do and he didn’t want to scare Brendon, but he couldn’t leave him on the floor so he pick him up, gulping when he saw his bare chest. He looked away and he laid him down on the bed, covering him with a fluff blanket and sitting down next to him, stroking his hair. He kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes, gulping and biting his lips.

Brendon wasn’t weak but he wasn’t strong and that was ruining him. He couldn’t keep to look at him knowing that he was hurt, that he was in pain because of some assholes at his school. He hated that and he hated the fact that he couldn’t do anything because he was no one in his life, he was just a friend and a friend can’t do much if you don’t let him. His hands were tied and that was painful, he cared way too much about Brendon, he cared about his health and he cared about his happiness. He loved Brendon, and not in a friendly way. He loved him and he couldn’t see him disgusted by his own reflection. Brendon was beautiful in and out, his personality was softer than a pillow and he loved his shyness.

“Dallon?” Brendon whispered rubbing his eyes, yawning.

“Yeah?”

“Hug me?” he said shyly, yawning again and tugging at his shirt. Dallon nodded and he laid down, he pulled him closer and Brendon rolled on him, closing his eyes again and resting his head on Dallon’s chest, starting to sleep again.

“I love you.” Dallon said stroking his hair and falling asleep.

*

Brendon woke up with a soft smile and he yawned, rubbing his face against Dallon’s shirt giggling. He blinked twice and then he looked at himself, finding his body wrapped in a blanket, he was falling asleep again but the sensation of the cloth on his chest made him panic. He was freaking out and he sat up quickly, he started to search for his binder and his t-shirt, feeling his cheeks become red and his eyes start to be full of tears. He was a complete disaster.

Dallon was still sleeping and Brendon hated what he had seen. He started to cry again and his head was pounding badly, his ribs were aching and his whole face was sore, he was shaking too much to be able to walk and he ended with sitting on the bed again, sobbing and licking his lips. That wasn’t what he wanted, he didn’t want to disgust Dallon anymore but he couldn’t let him go. He was a selfish bastard for not wanting to lose his happiness. Breezy would murder him if she found out that he was planning to go away from them.

“Brendon?” The boy shuddered and he looked at Dallon with watery eyes, “What’s the problem?”

“Did you… did you see me shirtless?” he whispered sniffing and seeing Dallon nod, “I-I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Not a problem”, he sat up and he shifted near Brendon, pulling him in a tight hug, “it was nothing, shush.” he said caressing his back, warming him up a bit. “Why were you crying? Do your ribs hurt? How’s your face?”

He looked at him and he bit his lip, smiling. He found peace in those blue eyes and his body started feel numb. He placed his hands on Dallon’s shoulders and he leaned on, pressing a soft kiss on his lips, closing his eyes and shivering. Dallon’s lips were soft but a little bit chapped, they were warm though and Brendon was dying on that mouth and the older boy seemed to enjoy it. Dallon broke the kiss and he looked at Brendon, cupping his face and kissing him passionately, he opened his mouth when he felt Brendon’s tongue teasing his closed lips.

They made out for at least thirty minutes, their lips were swollen and they were panting, trying to melt into each other arms. Brendon was smiling and chuckling, touching Dallon’s face to be sure that everything was real and not a dream, but the older boy was holding him and he was keeping his hands on his hips, caressing them and purring softly in his ear. Brendon was thoughtless and his head wasn’t hurting anymore, he was just surrounded by those happy feelings were cheering him up. Dallon was his rock and Brendon was giving him his whole heart, sure that he wouldn’t hurt him in the future.

*

Maybe Dallon had asked him to go out on a first date, maybe Brendon had said yes and maybe Breezy had cried tears of joy looking at them, after making a joke about a certain “daddy kink”; Brendon had never been so embarrassed in his whole life. Dallon had laughed hard and he had hugged the younger man with a smile, kissing his head and mumbling that he looked handsome and making him blush even harder.

Once in the car Dallon attached his lips, biting them and kissing him so passionately that Brendon’s body shivered in pleasure, he pulled him closed and he sighed when he broke the kiss, bumping their noses together. He smiled and he giggled, saying “hello” to Dallon and caressing his cheeks, nuzzling his neck and letting himself relax. Dallon kissed the top of his head again and again, he smiled and asked to Brendon if he was hungry, planning on taking him to a cute place. He wanted to make that date unforgettable.

The dinner went by quickly, they had talked and shared a lot of small talks, smiling at each other for the whole time. Brendon was now watching at Dallon with a flirty look, trying to attire his attention, bumping his left foot against his leg, but the other boy seemed to be too focused on his hands, which were laying on the table. Dallon was tracing lines on his skin and his mind was fixed on his flesh, feeling the softness under his fingers.

“What are you thinking?” Brendon asked smiling, lacing his pinkie around Dallon’s.

“Nothing, I’m just happy to be with you.” he let out a sigh and he scrolled his head, “I really like you, like a lot. You’re starting to mean the world to me.” Brendon blushed and he looked at his plate, “It’s been like, three weeks?, since our first kiss and gosh, I’m glad you did that.” Brendon leaned on and he kissed his lips slightly, sitting down again after few instants.

He was in love with Dallon and he couldn’t stop his silly smile. Brendon sighed and he took one of Dallon’s hand in his, playing with his fingers. “Can I ask you a question?” Dallon nodded and he pinched his index playfully, making Brendon chuckle, “What do you uhm, how do you feel about the fact that, y’know, I have- I haven’t a dick?” he whispered licking his lips and gulping, looking away.

“It’s not a problem.” Dallon placed a hand on his cheek and he caressed it slowly, patting his head few times with a soft smile, “You’re a boy and what? Just because you don’t have _that_ doesn’t mean that you’re a girl. You are a boy, Brendon, you are a handsome, awesome, lovely boy.” Brendon smiled and he pressed his cheek against his hand, sighing and looking at Dallon, “Would it be weird if I said to you that I don’t care at all? You could be a boy, a girl, a non-binary person and I wouldn’t care, I fell in l- I mean, I like you because of your personality, not your look and your gender.”

Brendon felt a warm feeling inside him and his eyes went a little bit watery, hearing those words leaving Dallon’s mouth so perfectly; they had almost convinced him that he was okay, that he was fine. He was glad to have Dallon in his life and he couldn’t stop those feelings anymore. He was in love, he wanted to say “I love you” to Dallon but he wasn’t sure enough, he didn’t want to be hurt even if he knew that Dallon would be with him.

Brendon felt a soft pair of lips on his and he felt Dallon’s hands on his jaw, he didn’t even know how they got out of the restaurant. He didn’t even know how he ended in Dallon’s lap in the back of his car, making out like two teenagers. He didn’t care though, he was trembling with anticipation and Dallon held him tightly, pulling him closer.

*

Dallon was conflicted, he didn’t know what to do, he was holding Brendon in his arms and the boy was asleep. He had allowed him to stay in the bedroom while he was changing his shirt, removing his binder and wearing a soft and large t-shirt; Dallon had never been happier than in that moment because Brendon had trusted him and he couldn’t ask for more. Now Brendon was sleeping curled in his lap with his head pressed against his chest, mumbling quietly and tugging at shirt like a baby. Dallon stared at him for almost an hour before falling asleep too, his arms around Brendon’s back and his chin on his head.

Brendon woke up hearing Dallon snoring, it was a little bit annoying but he didn’t mind after all. He pressed a warm kiss on his neck and he nuzzled his jaw, whispering his name. Dallon didn’t wake up and Brendon sighed, he grabbed his phone and he saw a missed call from Breezy and a message from his mom, who said that she had seen Dallon in his bed. He shivered but his mom was supporting him and he wasn’t scared. He typed a quick message to Breezy telling her that Dallon was with him and that she didn’t have to be concerned.

He looked at Dallon again but he was still sleeping and he didn’t want to bother him. He sat up slowly and he kissed his lips gingerly, he stood up and he searched for his binder, he stared at it and then he shrugged, his shirt was large enough to cover his chest and to make him seem flat. He walked in his kitchen and he started to make breakfast for the two of them, wanting to surprise Dallon with a delicious meal. He was cooking listening to some music and the smell of his pancakes was awesome, but he was sure that his waffles were even better. The coffee was almost ready and he had already prepared two glasses of orange juice; he hoped that Dallon was hungry enough to eat all of that stuff.

He carried the food in his bedroom and he found the boy curled in his blanket, hugging Brendon’s pillow. He sat down next to him and he pressed a kiss on his forehead, making him whine a bit. He called him softly, he kissed him again but this time on his lips, biting the lower one and pinching his left arm. Dallon opened his eyes and he sighed smiling, grabbing Brendon’s t-shirt and pulling him down, closer to him so he would be able to kiss him.

“Morning” he said with a hoarse voice, kissing him again, “how are you?”

“Good, good. I’ve made breakfast.” Brendon said giggling, “Are you hungry?” Dallon nodded and caressed his cheeks, “Then, let’s eat.”

Dallon sat up and he grabbed a mug, looking at the food near him and smiling at Brendon, “This is a lot of food, what the heck Brendon?”

“I thought you were hungry.” he mumbled with his mouth already full of pancakes.

Dallon shook his head and he took a sip of coffee, he started to eat slowly and he thanked Brendon again, he pulled him closer and he rested his head on his shoulder, caressing his back. He was so in love with Brendon and he was so mesmerized by his presence near him, his bones were shaking and his brain was trying to make him talk even if he knew that he couldn’t say that, those words were too important.

“Dallon? You okay?” he nodded and he kissed his cheek, he was calm now “Sure? You seem a little bit focused on something else?”

“No, no don’t worry, I just don’t like to talk in the morning, sorry.” He whispered in his ear, kissing his lips and tasting his sugary mouth.

*

Brendon was looking at Dallon and he couldn’t help his smile, the boy was lying on top of him with his head on his chest and Brendon felt good, he was comfortable with that head on his breast and those eyes fixed on the TV. He was caressing his hair and he was listening to his soft sighs, they decided to watch a new Netflix’s series and they had fallen in love with it, especially Dallon who was still trying to recover from the final episode of Doctor Who. Brendon was holding it as Dallon had done during the night, protecting him from the whole world.

He heard him snoring again and he scrolled his shoulders, making him whine and whimper, Dallon bit his jaw playfully and Brendon’s breath stopped, he looked at him and the older boy smirked, starting to kiss and bite his skin, making Brendon close his eyes and grip at his hair tightly. He was happy and scared because he didn’t know what Dallon wanted to do, but he didn’t want to say anything because there was nothing but a soft pair of lips on his neck and jaw.

Dallon stood up quickly and he grabbed on of Brendon’s hand, dragging him up with him and making him twirl, he placed his hands on his hips and he locked their eyes together. “Hi.” he said smiling, kissing his forehead and stroking his waist through his t-shirt, “How you doing?” he laughed softly and he let one of his hand go on his left cheek, “My handsome boy.” he whispered in his ear, making Brendon tremble and wrap his arms around his neck. “May I kiss you?” Brendon nodded and he tightened his grip around his neck.

Dallon held his chin with his fingers and he leaned on, stopping at few millimeters from Brendon’s lips, smiling and making Brendon whine. He make their mouth collide and he tickled his lower lip with the tip of his tongue, Brendon opened his mouth and Dallon pulled him closer, scratching the back of his neck gingerly. He kissed him deeply and Brendon almost moaned on his lips, he gripped his hair and he tried to place his legs around Dallon’s hips and the boy lifted him up, placing his hands under his thighs and his fingers brushed slightly Brendon’s ass, making him moan loudly. He hid his face in his neck and Dallon panted, he gulped and breathed heavily.

“I love you.”

Brendon’s head snapped up and he looked at him with wide eyes and rosy cheeks, “I love you, too.” he said with a smile, kissing his lips briefly and nuzzling his neck. “Can we uhm, can we cuddle in bed?”

“No more TV?” Brendon shook his head and Dallon readjust him on his lap, gripping his thighs a little bit tighter and carrying him in his bedroom. Sometimes he acted like a “daddy” and Breezy had always said that to him but it was a normal behavior, Brendon was younger than him and he was responsible of his happiness.

“Cuddles?” Brendon asked tugging at his t-shirt, tightening his legs around Dallon’s waist when he sat down on the bed, “Cuddles.” he said again with a needy tone.

“You’re whining, stop that.” Dallon said smiling, he kissed his forehead and he laid down, Brendon adjust himself on his chest, rubbing his face on his skin giggling. “You’re acting like a child.”

“I’m a child. I’m a handsome child.”

“Yes you are.” Brendon kissed his lips and he closed his eyes, hiding them under his favorite blanket. “Wait a moment Mr. Sleepyhead, don’t you have to do homework? Breezy told me about a science test.”

“You’re no fun.” Brendon whined, sighing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, how are you? Surely better than me, but that's not the point. So here we are with this cheesy and small chapter, I hope you've liked it. Anyway see you soon pals.


	5. Cinque

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter yay

Brendon was smiling during his last day of high school, he was finally free until the beginning of his first year in the local College. He was tugging Breezy’s sleeve while he was waiting to hear his name, he was scared but excited, he was going to start a new life in a new school with new people, who hopefully would be better than the jocks from his high school. Breezy sighed when the principal called her name, she blushed when Dallon clapped vigorously and Brendon couldn’t help to turn his head and smile at him and at his mom, who was already in tears.

“Brendon Urie.”

He stood up and he gulped, he walked towards the principal with a weak smile, he grabbed his piece of paper and he almost run back to his seat, smiling at Breezy and hugging her tightly. She patted his back and then she kissed his cheeks, saying that she was going to bother him even at the College. He giggled and he nodded, gripping her hand and playing with her fingers, waiting patiently until the end of the ceremony. He was thinking too much and he was full of fears, this time different from the previous ones and he hated the fact that he couldn’t be happy, sincerely happy without a background made of tears. He was afraid to start a new life with new people, he was afraid to lose Dallon because of his decision to go to College and he was afraid to fail it miserably. Even if he had picked music he couldn’t stop to think about the negative possibilities.

Brendon shivered when he heard Dallon call his name softly, tapping two fingers on his shoulder, “Hey, little man.” he said kneeling down, looking at him with a smile, “Are you excited?” Brendon nodded and he threw his arms around his neck, “So, I was talking with your mom and she said that she’s okay if I take you out for lunch.” Brendon smiled and he hid his face against his neck, “Maybe we could spend the day together, I don’t have to go to work though.”

“Why not?”

“Because today is important for my family.” Brendon looked at him and he kissed his lips with a smile.

“I-”

“I love you.” Dallon said quickly, making Brendon blush and smile, “You’re cute when you blush, you know that, right?.”

“I love you too.” Brendon said hugging him tighter and kissing him softly, licking his bottom lip and caressing his neck, “You’re the cute one.” he pouted, making Dallon laugh. He bit his lips and the older boy kissed his cheek, stroking his hair and chuckling because Brendon was blushing again.

“Now, let’s go eat together with your mom and then we’ll leave Breezy to a party and then your mom at your house.”

Dallon patted his head and Brendon threw his arms around his neck, tugging at his jacket to be lifted up. Dallon placed him on his back and he grabbed his thighs to keep him up, he walked out of the building and Brendon started to talk feverishly about random stuff. Dallon smiled and he kissed his hands, he opened the door of his backseats and he sat him down and he pecked his lips; he smiled at Breezy and she giggled, nodding. Grace, Brendon’s mum, was in the passenger seat and Dallon caught Brendon blush when he started to talk with that lovely lady. Breezy started to talk about how excited she was about college and Dallon sighed, thinking about the fact that both Brendon and Breezy were going to leave in few months. Luckily they had both chosen a College near home so they would be able to come back in the weekends. But he knew that he would miss them as hell, he couldn’t believe that his little sister was going to College and he couldn’t believe that his boyfriend would be with her. He would end in the Urie’s house, talking with Grace about old memories.

*

Brendon was lying on top of Dallon with his chin placed on his chest, he was playing with his hair while Dallon was working on his phone, sighing and smiling at the boy. Brendon wasn’t wearing his binder and he felt good, oddly good; Dallon hadn’t said anything and he didn’t stare, he had just kissed his lips and dragged him on the bed, patting his chest with a smile. Brendon loved him even because he hadn’t asked him anything about being transsexual, he had always waited for him to speak, to open up about that.

“Dall?” he hummed in response and he smiled without looking at him, “How do you feel about me having b-boobs?” he asked quietly, kissing his chest and curling his fingers in his hair.

“It’s not a big deal, nothing strange for me.” he put his phone on the nightstand and he placed his hands on Brendon’s back, “You know, if they are a problem we can- I mean, I can pay for your surgery, if your mom agrees obviously.” Brendon opened his lips but instead he kissed Dallon forcefully, he pulled his hair and he sat on his lap, tickling Dallon’s bottom lip with his tongue until he parted his lips.

“Would you do that?” Brendon kissed him quickly, smiling when he saw Dallon nod. “You’re too kind.”

“And you’re my boyfriend, let me take care of you sweetheart.” he said pecking Brendon’s lips sweetly, “For me they are not a problem.” Dallon affirmed firmly, stroking Brendon’s back and making him smile, he was almost purring in his lap and he couldn’t help his silly grin. Brendon was a boy, the fact that he had tits and a vagina didn’t mean anything, for Dallon he was a perfect boy. “My little guy.” he muttered on his lips, kissing him again and again, feeling Brendon start to breath heavily with his eyes closed. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly, caressing his hair patiently.

“I’m ready” he muttered with his eyes closed, he sat up and he tugged at Dallon’s shirt, “I’m ready, please.” He pressed a kiss on his lips and he rutted his hips on Dallon’s, sighing and moaning softly. He groaned and locked his eyes with Dallon’s, “Please? I trust you.”

“Brendon, I-I don’t know. Maybe it’s too early.” Dallon looked at him with concerned eyes, stroking his back and his shoulders.

“It’s because of my body, isn’t it?” he asked with a tiny voice, leaving Dallon’s lap and sitting on the mattress, holding back the tears. “It’s disgusting.” he almost yelled that and he hit his own thigh with a punch, biting his lower lip.

Dallon hugged him from behind and he kissed his head even if Brendon tried to escape from his arms, but Dallon shook his head and the younger boy sighed. “Don’t you ever _, ever_ try to say that again. Never again.” He said firmly, holding Brendon against his chest. “You’re my boyfriend, you’re my handsome, cute, awesome, pretty, flawless, perfect boyfriend.” he kissed the back of his neck and he stroked his hair smiling, “You are not disgusting, you’re not just a body. You’re a person and I’m in love with you. Keep this in mind.”

Brendon sniffed and he turned his face towards Dallon, he touched his neck, his cheeks and his lips, his cheekbones and his hair, letting his fingers run in his hair, softly and slowly. He leaned on and he pressed a peck on Dallon’s mouth, he nuzzled his jaw and he peppered the skin with small bites, scratching his scalp and trying to melt into his lap. Dallon held his chin with his thumb and index, he looked at him, teasing him with his false kisses, leaning on and then pulling back. Brendon whined and Dallon smiled, this time he kissed him sweetly, licking his lips and shoving his tongue inside his mouth.

Brendon melt in his arms and he closed his eyes, resting his head on Dallon’s shoulder. “Why do you always have to say something nice? Why can’t you be a twat?” he asked sleepily, sitting on Dallon’s lap and hugging him tightly.

“Because I love you?” Dallon laid down dragging Brendon with him, he placed his hands on his hips and he kissed the top of his head. Brendon sat up again, he caressed Dallon’s chest and he bit his neck playfully, Dallon held his waist and he let out a shaky breath, but Brendon started to pepper his jaw with wet kisses and bites. He groaned and scratched his back, he flipped them and Brendon was now laying with his back on the mattress and Dallon was between his thighs. He bit his lower lip and looked at the younger boy. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“One hundred percent sure?”

“Yes, Dallon.”

“You can tell me to stop when it’s too much, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah just do something. I want you.”

Dallon nodded and he leaned down, he kissed his lips smiling and he shoved one of his hands under Brendon’s shirt, he caressed his hips and his stomach, avoiding to touch his chest because he didn’t know if Brendon was okay with that. He didn’t remove his t-shirt and he kissed his neck, he sucked and licked the soft skin, making Brendon moan shyly. His skin was pale and he knew that his hickeys were going to be there for at least one week, he would love to see those purple bruise on his perfect and soft skin.

Brendon whined and tugged Dallon’s hair, “M-my shirt, I don’t want it. It’s too hot here.” he whispered smiling, “And yours too, please.”

“Sure?” Brendon rolled his eyes and nodded. Dallon removed his own shirt and then he took the rim of Brendon’s between his fingers, he started to lift it slowly and he stared at his chest, he held his breath and he let the cloth fall on the carpet, placing his hands on Brendon’s waist. But the boy whined and he moved his hands on his body, showing to Dallon that he could touch and he smiled when the older man brushed gingerly his breast, gasping. “You sure, right?”

“Dallon for God’s sake, I’m sure! Please, I need you.” he kissed him and he pressed Dallon’s hand on his chest, moaning on his lips. He scratched his back when Dallon started to leave butterflies kisses down his neck, collarbones and in the middle of his chest, looking at Brendon with a sweet smile, he sucked one of his nipples and Brendon groaned loudly, arching his back a bit. He had never tried those kind of sensation and he was glad to feel it because of Dallon. “I-I, God I love you, keep going please.” he moaned loudly, feeling his breath heavy.

Dallon nodded and he let go that soft flesh, focusing on the other one and making Brendon pant. He let his hands stroke his hips and his lower stomach, he felt his cock start to press against his boxers when Brendon moved his body, rubbing his thigh on his crotch. Brendon smiled and he tugged at his hair twice, Dallon left his nipple and he sat up properly again, the boy nodded and he helped him to remove his sweatpants and Brendon decided to undress him completely, leaving Dallon naked and exposed. He blushed so hard that he needed to hide his face in the pillow next to Brendon’s head, but the boy caressed his back and he touched slightly his butt, giggling when Dallon’s breath stopped.

“My boxers won’t go away by themselves.” Brendon murmured staring at the pale skin in front of him, he couldn’t believe that Dallon was with him, naked and with his whole body pressed against his own; he could feel his hard-on and he was so damn proud of himself.

Dallon looked at him and he removed his boxers, he licked his lips and stared at Brendon with wide eyes, “You still okay with this?” Brendon groaned and nodded, “What, uhm what can I do?” he asked softly, stroking Brendon’s waist.

“Make love to me, I want this.” Brendon’s voice was sure and calm, he kissed his lips and Dallon sucked another hickey on his collarbone.

He went down on his chest, he kissed his skin smiling and sucking softly, he licked a long stipe down Brendon’s stomach, ending at the edge of his pelvis. He looked at him and the boy nodded, tangling his fingers in his hair and pushing his head down, feeling his whole body tingle when Dallon’s breath hit his warm skin. He moaned loudly his name and Dallon kissed the top of his thighs, licking and sucking like there was no tomorrow. He was so close to Brendon’s intimacy that he couldn’t wait anymore. He saw Brendon nod spasmodically and he opened his thighs a little bit more, he knelt down on the carpet and Brendon smiled, murmuring his name quietly. He was dying under his eyes and he had never been happier.

Dallon leaned closer to his private part, he bit his lower lip and he shivered, Brendon was right in front of him and he couldn’t stop to think about what they were going to do, he was happy and scared, he didn’t know what to do apart trying to make Brendon feel good. He licked his clit and Brendon moaned; he continued to eat him out until he felt the boy under him whine and tug at his hair forcefully, but Dallon couldn’t stop to lick his pussy, enjoying that feeling on his tongue and enjoying Brendon’s voice, loud and strong. He was a panting mess and he was melting under his hands and mouth, Dallon left a lap on his clit and he stood up quickly, hissing when his cock brushed against the covers.

“No, no, no, no! Where are you going?” Brendon whined breathlessly.

“Lube and condom.” his voice was hoarse but calm, inside he was tingling with fear and anticipation. “You still sure?” he asked quietly, looking at Brendon. He nodded and shivered, feeling a strange warmth in his stomach.

Brendon blushed when Dallon sat down again between his legs, he opened the lube and he squeezed a gentle amount of it in his hand, covering his fingers with it. He sucked Brendon’s clit and he licked him slowly, tasting him with his eyes closed. Brendon moaned his name and he arched his back, his legs were almost shaking and his body was burn in pleasure. Dallon teased his pussy with his index and Brendon hummed, finding that kind of touch incredibly hot and new. Everything was new for him, he had never touched himself and he was glad to experience that situation with Dallon.

He almost screamed when Dallon pressed his finger inside him while he was sucking his intimacy, lapping his hot flesh with the tip of his tongue. He moved his index slowly, trying to make Brendon feel comfortable enough, he waited patiently and he took care of his boy, kissing his thighs and his bellybutton, humming when he felt Brendon asking for more. He pushed another finger in slower than the previous time, hearing Brendon moan and sniff. He looked at him and he saw him with his face covered in tears.

“No, no I can’t, I’ll stop. I’m sorry.” Dallon said quickly, deciding to remove his fingers.

“Don’t you even fucking dare!” Brendon hissed grabbing his wrist, holding it tightly and staring at Dallon.

“I’m hurting you.” Dallon looked down, trying to avoid Brendon’s eyes.

“No, you’re not, I’m crying because, gosh this is so stupid but I’m crying because you are making me feel okay, you’re making me comfortable with who I am.” Dallon opened his mouth but Brendon grabbed his hair and he pulled him in a heated kiss, tasting himself on his tongue. “Keep going, please.” Dallon nodded and he smiled kissing the tip of his nose, pushing his fingers a little bit deeper into him. Brendon moaned and he scratched Dallon’s back, murmuring his name with his eyes closed.

Dallon leaned down and he kissed his jaw, rutting his crotch on Brendon’s thighs, he whined and gritted his teeth, feeling his cock throbbing and asking attention. He breathed deeply and he looked at Brendon, being sure that he was still okay with that, the boy nodded and he pressed a third finger inside him, making him growl loudly. He moved his fingers slowly, trying to make it painless and Brendon seemed to enjoy that way too much, starting to thrust his hips towards his hand. Dallon opened his eyes widely and he hissed when Brendon touched his dick, pumping it gingerly and looking at Dallon waiting for his consent. The older boy kissed his lips and nodded, moaning when Brendon stroked him a little bit faster, making his stomach twitch in anticipation. He wasn’t close to his orgasm yet, he was just hard as a rock because of Brendon.

“Dallon…” Brendon moaned stroking his cock faster and looking at him with huge and dark eyes, “I don’t want to come like this”, he licked his lips and he looked at his boyfriend, panting, “I need you, now.” he whispered pressing his thumb on the slit on Dallon’s cock, making him moan.

“You sure? Because for me, we can continue like this, I-I mean it’ll be a bit painful and-”, Brendon kissed his lips forcefully, shoving his tongue inside his mouth. Dallon kissed back and he removed his fingers, making Brendon whine and pout. “I love you, okay? Just remind this.”

Brendon nodded and he kissed his cheek, he repositioned himself under Dallon and he spread his legs a little bit more, he gave him one last stroke and he smiled looking at him. Dallon grabbed the condom and he opened it, rolling it on his shaft and squeezing a generous amount of lube in his hands, being sure to try everything possible to make it painless, or at least not _so_ painless. Brendon smiled and he closed his eyes, he held his breath and bit his lower lip. Dallon placed a hand on Brendon’s hips and with the other one he grabbed his left knee, caressing his skin. He entered slowly into Brendon, he waited patiently and kissed his lips, murmuring a lot of “sorry”s when he saw Brendon whine and sob. Half of his shaft was inside the boy and he was already panting because Brendon was extremely tight and it was hard for him to don’t bury his cock completely inside him.

“Fuck!” Brendon shouted thrusting back, trying to get more of him, “Dallon…” he gulped and he threw his arms around his neck, “Dallon gosh, you’ll kill me if you are slow. Just, just…”

He groaned when Dallon thrust his whole shaft inside him. He smiled even if it hurt like hell, it felt like his whole body was burning but it was a good pain, he knew that he was going to enjoy it. He could already feel his body tingling in a slight pleasure, which was growing in the pit of his stomach and it was making him moan, groan, hiss and murmur messy words. He loved that feeling and he loved the fact that Dallon was thrusting inside him, kissing his shoulders and whispering his name so softly that Brendon shuddered.

Dallon was lost and he didn’t want to come back, he was already feeling his orgasm bear in his lower back, it was warmer than usual and he was groaning in pleasure. Brendon was under him with his eyes closed and his lips parted, his nails were in his back and his legs were lifted up, his heels were pressing on his butt and the back of his knees seemed to “hug” Dallon. He thrust faster and deeper, making Brendon growl his name loudly and he hissed biting his skin. Brendon was literally a bundle of shaking muscles and he was sure that he was wet down _there_ , he had read somewhere that it was good so it didn’t bother him.

Dallon balanced himself with only one hand, the other one went down Brendon’s body, he touched his nipples and his bellybutton, letting his curious fingers go down even more, stopping when he reached his clit. Brendon gasped and his legs shook in pleasure, that was something new and he wanted more, he wanted to come so badly but he didn’t even know if he was actual close, he just knew that he was burning and a tingling sensation was making him moan.

“Bren… Brendon I’m- I’m close.” He groaned and kissed his jaw, breathing heavily. Brendon shuddered and nodded, digging his nails even more in his back.

“Dall I think-” his voice stopped and his body shivered, he arched his back and groaned, “Dallon!” he shouted with a moan, closing his eyes and letting out a satisfied sigh.

Dallon came with a deep thrust, he tried to catch his breath while he kissed Brendon’s rosy skin, mumbling how much he loved him and how happy he was. He threw the condom on the carpet and he collapsed on the mattress, panting and stroking Brendon’s arm, pulling him closer. He was tired and he felt his body become numb, but he wanted to cuddle his boyfriend so he shook his head and rolled on his left side, facing Brendon and smiling.

“You did so good. How do you feel?” He asked shyly, kissing his forehead and caressing his cheeks, trying to understand his emotion.

“It was amazing!” Brendon said excited, his smile was so big that he seemed a child and Dallon couldn’t help a chuckle, “I want to do this every weeks, I love you so much, I love you and I’m glad to have experienced this with you.” he kissed his lips and he nuzzled his jaw, hiding his face and pecking his skin. “What about you?”

“I’m fine, I’m glad to have you here. You sure you’re okay? Does anything hurt? Should I run you a bath?” Brendon sighed loudly and he shook his head, pressing his body closer to Dallon.

“No, I want cuddles.” he said with a whiny voice, rubbing his nose on Dallon’s body.

Dallon nodded and hugged him, he rolled on his back and he placed Brendon on his chest, tangling his fingers in his hair and kissing the top of his head. Brendon smiled and hugged him tightly, “You should take a quick shower or something while I change the sheets.” Dallon murmured with a yawn. Brendon whined and shook his head, but Dallon sat up and he carried him in the bathroom bridal-style. He placed him in the shower and he adjusted the water, he saw Brendon shiver and smile, humming happily.

*

Brendon yawned and rubbed his eyes, his body was trapped in a tight and warm embrace, soft as a cloud. He opened his eyelids and he looked around, he saw Dallon’s blue eyes right in front of him, he was already awake and his face was extremely relaxed. Brendon shifted closer and he hid his face under his neck, sighing. That was going to be his last day there, then the following day he would start College, Breezy had been panicking since the previous week and now he was starting to feel sick. His anxiety was eating him alive.

Dallon kissed his forehead and he asked him what the wanted to have as breakfast. He knew that both of them were trembling in fear and sadness. He couldn’t imagine that Brendon and Breezy would stay away from him for almost three weeks, they had Skype yeah, but it wasn’t the same thing. He would miss his little sister’s voice, her smile and her big surprised eyes, her loud laugh and her butterfingers. She was the safe point in his life and he couldn’t bear the idea of her away from him. He would miss their morning routine and her “oh no, nope I don’t wanna know” every time he tried to speak about how madly he loved Brendon. She was always with him and he didn’t want to let her go, for him she still was a four years old girl who was trying to balance herself on a bike.

Brendon kissed his lips and he got up, he wore one of Dallon’s big shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. He walked in the kitchen and he found Dallon cooking, humming a song and tapping his fingers on the counter. Breezy was there too but she was typing on her phone, smiling and giggling; probably she was talking with some guy that she had met. Brendon hugged her and she squealed, Breezy looked at him and she gave him a kiss on the cheek, making Dallon cough and arch one of his eyebrows. Brendon chuckled and sat down next to her, grabbing a plate of bacon and eggs. He was hungry but his nervousness was knotting his stomach. He ended with eating just because Dallon looked at him strictly, pursing his lips.

The afternoon was too quick and now Brendon was almost in tears, his arms wrapped around Dallon’s chest and his face hid in his neck. They was watching a movie on TV but he hadn’t paid attention, he was too lost in his thoughts and he was started to get really scared, he was afraid and he didn’t want to leave anymore, he didn’t want to go to College because he couldn’t do anything. He still was worthless, at least that what he thought even if his mom, Dallon and Breezy had showed him several times that he was like everyone.

Dallon kissed his head and he hugged him tightly, “Hey, sleepy-head, time to get up. Your mom will be here in few minutes.” Brendon shook his head and he sniffed, digging his fingers in Dallon’s neck, “What’s wrong?” he asked softly, caressing his shaking body.

“I don’t wanna go.” Brendon said lowly, letting out a sob. “I’m gonna fail.”

“No, you’re not going to. You will succeed and you will a perfect student. Stop these silly thoughts right now, we’ve talked about it. What have I said to you?” Dallon’s voice was firm but sweet and his hands were still on Brendon’s back.

“That I mustn’t listen to my negative ideas because I’ll be a successful person.” He looked at Dallon and he nodded, drying his cheeks with his fingers.

“I should be the worried one, actually. What if you find someone younger and better that me? That’s scary for me, College is important I know but I’m afraid that you will forget me.” Brendon parted his lips and he shook his head, “I know, I know, I’m being paranoid and stupid but you’ll share a room with a stranger guy, surely you’ll be friend with him and what if you fall in love with him? He’ll be younger too.” Dallon sighed and smiled sadly, “I haven’t slept for days thinking about this, but I hadn’t said anything because I know it’s stupid compared to your fears.” Brendon licked his lips and he leaned closer, keeping his eyes fixed on Dallon, “Also, Breezy will be away too so I’m going to lose my whole family because of school. How funny.”

“But Breezy is your sister and I love _you_ , why should we go away forever?” Brendon asked shyly.

“Because both of you are young and wild and College is a strange place. There’s alcohol and weed, there’s a lot of weird stuff and I’m concerned. Then I remember that I’ll see you two every three weeks and I calm down, but I’m always worried about you. You’re all I have and I can’t imagine to see you in another country. Crap, I can’t even imagine Breezy having her own family one day. Luckily I know that if you’ll leave me, you’ll leave me for someone better, but I always hope for us to be a couple as long as possible.” Dallon licked his lips and Brendon smiled, “I love you and you know that, so I won’t discuss any of your decisions.” Dallon kissed him softly and he caressed his cheeks.

“But I love you, you’re the best person in my life.” He kissed him again, and he tugged his shirt, curling the cloth in his hands, “You showed me that I’m a real _boy_ , that I’m a good person and that I can be loved like everyone else.” He kissed the tip of his nose and Dallon smiled

“Who’s my pretty boyfriend?” Brendon opened his mouth and arched his eyebrows, “It’s you.” Brendon giggled and hid his face in the crook of his neck. “Oh god, that was too kinky, yep, too much. Sorry.” Brendon laughed and punched jokingly his arm, shaking his head.

“You’re funny.” Brendon said looking at him in the eyes.

“And you’re my boyfriend, so I can be funny and silly.”

“So you’ll make me laugh.”

“Exactly, your laugh and smile are pretty and genuine.”

Brendon blushed and kissed his cheeks, “And you’re dumb.”

“You love it.”

“I love you, that’s different.” Brendon said with a chuckle.

“You’re so cheesy.” Dallon rolled his eyes and kissed his plump lips, biting the lower one and shoving his tongue inside his mouth, starting a heated make out session.

Brendon was kissing Dallon back and he was tangling his fingers in his hair, Dallon held his waist and he hummed on his lips, he tried to get closer and Dallon sat up, letting go of his hair. He lifted Brendon up and he placed him on his lap, he looked at him sweetly and he cupped his face between his hands. He kissed him again but this time it was slower and deeper, he was trying to throw away his fears and Brendon was calming him down already. He was holding him by his hips and he was lost in his warmth, he was drowning in his taste.

Brendon was keeping his eyes shut because he didn’t need to see Dallon to know that he was beautiful, that his cheeks were already pink and the tip of his nose was red. Dallon was extremely handsome and Brendon couldn’t stop to smile.

“I love you, Brendon.” Dallon said smiling, pecking his cheek.

“I love you too, Dallon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are pals, last chapter. It was fun to write this one, well maybe the smut part was uhm, interesting? I can't write straight smut okay, I'm sorry I've tried. So, school is eating me alive but I'm going to see P!ATD in two days and TOP in five days? I feel like dying because I'll see my baby (Dallon) after four years of listening to The The Brobecks? I wanna scream? Is this even normal?  
> Oh well, I'll see you soon though!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm back with a new and fresh and awful fan-fic, please kill me. Aanyway, that was the first chapter, a piece of garbage am I right?  
> I'm speechless and yeah, see you on Wednesday with the second chapter!


End file.
